The Treehouse + The Cave


The Treehouse + The Cave: Pass That Dutch <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d9561264\x26blogName\x3dThe+Treehouse+%2B+The+Cave\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://thetreehouseandthecave.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://thetreehouseandthecave.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d455617431721372491', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pass That Dutch

Sarah's passed the blogosphere's latest fascination to the left:

Behold, the Caesar’s Bath meme! List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can’t really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice.”

How can I not participate in a invitation-only chain letter for haters? Puff, puff, give:

Spring and Summer: While I fully admit to enjoying the first 10 days of spring and the last 10 of summer, I pretty much loathe every minute in between. Now that the mercury has passed the 70 mark once, maybe twice, the streets are awash in more vapid, glistening flesh than Wild on E! They are flooded with the smiles people think they are supposed to wear. Flooded with an immediate distaste for the independent, quiet, conceptual time that winter fosters. I miss snow, sweatshirt jackets and Jameson and we haven't even hit May.

Cocaine: Don't get me wrong, I understand that New York runs on the shit; entire industries and social networks would collapse with out the ubiquitous white lines. I just don't understand why people get so psyched to drop $100 on smurf-sized baggie of mystery chemicals that won't last an hour and'll leave your throat feeling as though you drank mace. I've done it, I'll do it again (let's face facts, I hang out with the kind of art/fashion people that pride themselves on living above their means). I just don't seek it out. I'm just not impressed. Growing up, it was impossible to ignore the aura that coke has in our culture. It is the definition of a hard drug. Not only is it supposed to be hard, it's supposed to be glamorous. Of course, I always wanted to give it a try. When I finally did (in college I guess), I was stunned at how minimal the effects were. Maybe it's that my body doesn't need uppers (any friend can corroborate, I'd trade a couple ritalin for a klonopin with a smile). Maybe it's that I'm a pussy and the drip makes me tear up and gag. Either way, coke aint my candy.

The Lower East Side: As much as I try to ignore the city's provincialism, and out of principle try not to frame my hood as superior to any other, I've got to say to all the Lower East Siders: Max Fish is played, and you spend 80% of your salaries on spaces smaller than closets. Why all the attitude?

The Smiths: I know, I know, you can deal with my distaste for cocaine, and my disgust for LES elitism, but how dare I infringe on the last bit of your holy trinity: Moz. Well, sorry, I never liked to be miserable in high school, I was angry instead.

Larry Clark and Terry Richardson: Two words: Victim Photography.

Honorable Mentions: Guinness, Matthew Barney, Interpol.

It's cashed, time to repack. I'm passing it to Etienne, Paige and Mick. Careful, it's hot.

Blogger hipp-o thought:

1. The NBA
2. Tits
3. Google Maps
4. Celebrity magazines
5. The teenage abstinence movement

April 14, 2005 at 6:03 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger heather thought:

aaron, bc i love you, i am going to let that NBA bullshirt go. (it's not a challenge.) but i have gotta ask who the fuck you know who's into teen abstinence.

April 14, 2005 at 9:10 PM - Comment Permalink  
Anonymous sarah thought:

Yes! Hott answers! Esp. the Clark/Richardson double-trouble.

April 15, 2005 at 12:16 AM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger etienneaida thought:

oh man. all i want to do is be your best friend. it's ridiculous. we're going to coney island and take pictures and eat pizza and you will smile and you will mean it.

about spring and summer: i love to wear my smiles. okay? okay.

about cocaine: i feel the same way. also, coke in canada is cheaper and better. though perhaps that is not better, but worse. hrm.

about LES: you are so right. max fish. wahhh wahhhhhh. i'd rather vomit in my own mouth and swallow than spend three minutes there. (i wrote all about it sometime in february i think.)

the smiths: i'm with you there. and, i also highly dislike bob marley and brian wilson's 'smile'. yup. you heard me. fucking listening to music for fashion. so not-cool. NOBODY LIKES IT! nobody.

April 15, 2005 at 11:34 AM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger etienneaida thought:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

April 15, 2005 at 11:34 AM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger heather thought:

etienne, when you say pizza at coney island, do you mean totonno's? aka, the best fucking pizza in new york? aka, the only pizzeria where you will find lou reed and his whole family at 2345938475 tiny tables pushed together?

fuck andy. we will leave him at home to do my laundry and we will eat pizza.

April 15, 2005 at 12:27 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger etienneaida thought:

ha ha. yeah miss heather i am talking about totonno's. i have never actually been there (or to coney island for that matter) - i've just heard about it. last trip to new york i did some lame-ass drinking-at-max-fish-hanging-out-with-oxycotin-taking-fools-who-either-live-in-LES-or-in-jamaica and the time before that i was staying at the plaza and eating $42 club sandwiches. and i want something nicer. i want something in between.

anyway, i am *totally* feeling your idea: let's leave andy and you and i will have a date!! lou reed and his entourage will be like, "we go to totonno's in hopes to see etienne and heather unnecessarily taking up 56482398754 tables all pushed together."

and maybe andy can do my laundry too...

April 15, 2005 at 5:27 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger heather thought:

WOW. so etienne mentions that she hated on max fish in february, and i thought, that's funny, i'll go look that up. and i did, and then, just before i closed the window, i scrolled up a little--almost by accident, mind you--and my eyes think they see the word "sloths." my brain tells my eyes it's not possible, and my eyes are like, "look, we know youre the jefe and all, but give us a chance." so my brain says, "fine. i'm doing all i can not to be writing the shit i was supposed to submit yesterday anyway. i can spare the time." and guess what?























my eyes were right! etienne *not only* understands--with.out.even.have.ing.been.there.--that totonno's is best of, she was once in costa rica looking for sloths. which are, hands down, the best of kingdom animalia.

i know this comment is getting long*, but there's one more thing that has to be said. etinenne, there's this new yorker cartoon (i know, usually i hate them too) of two sloths on a branch. the first sloth in hanging down, normal sloth-style, but the second one is straight up off the branch, like a dog, all stiff-legged. and the caption is: "how long have you been on antidepressants?" it's my favorite cartoon ever.

*if andy would give me a section of this geedee blog (i would call it "dispatches from the cave" or "notes from a cavedweller" (i know. the second one sounds like i'm jacking dostoevsky's style)), there wouldn't be this problem.

April 15, 2005 at 6:14 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger hipp-o thought:

oh, sorry, my brain interpreted it as whats hot now and i missed that it had to be within your circle of friends. im not really a hater anyways. am i?

who are you etienne?

April 15, 2005 at 6:23 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger heather thought:

no aaron, you are a lover. always have been. exhibit A, p. 79 of our 9th grade yearbook:

"Hey Heather, You are such a bitch! You are extremely competitive as well as very creative. You are a great person, but you need to be les [sic] domineering, Give people a chance!"

April 15, 2005 at 6:34 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger Paige thought:

I feel so loved to be included! Now I am under all this pressure to make my own fabulous list..

April 15, 2005 at 8:24 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger etienneaida thought:

andy, get heather a d-a-n-g section of the g.d. blog right the fuck now!! seriously. i want it. i *need* it. also, sloths do rule. if you can find a picture of that cute/hilarious/genius cartoon please email it to me at etienneaida at gmail dot come. i'd love to see it.

in costa rica, i called all the men jefe and they loved me. heh heh.

and hipp-o, i'm just a new pup to the sewing circle. also, i have a guilty pleasure of your hates #3 and #4. actually i don't feel so guilty about #3. maps are fucking cool as sin. if i came across some money i would buy myself a really nice atlas but for now it's google maps.

and make it "notes from THE cavedweller" not "notes from a cavedweller."

heather: you are the. not a.

April 15, 2005 at 8:36 PM - Comment Permalink  
Anonymous Anonymous thought:

Hethr, shawly it shud be "looking for sloths. which are, hands" up, not "down"!

April 16, 2005 at 1:40 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger heather thought:

you know, for all your A-levels and your oxford and your cambridge, y'all are pretty clueless. "hands down" originated in the late 19th century as a modifier to describe a sure victory in horse racing, when the jockey is so far ahead, he can relax the reins and/or the whip and come over the line with his hands down.

"hands up", however, is an invention of the kind of 20th century hack screenwriter who eats tunafish from the can and lives in a seedy hollywood building he shares with washed up geriatric actresses and waitresses from the heartland, girls who haven't had a call-back in four years and can never go home again.

April 16, 2005 at 2:58 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger Andy thought:

Um... Heather, I think he said hands up beacuse sloths hang. Their hands are up. Thanks for your signature academic/depressing take though.

Love,

A.

April 16, 2005 at 3:06 PM - Comment Permalink  
Anonymous Anonymous thought:

Thanks Andy. Glad I didn't have to explain that one!

"Hands up" is in fact what the police say when they come to arrest the jockey who is clearly so far ahead that his horse must have been doped.

April 16, 2005 at 4:50 PM - Comment Permalink  
Blogger etienneaida thought:

i've been reading this, and, um, i just want to let you all that heather wins.

hands down.

April 16, 2005 at 10:29 PM - Comment Permalink  

Post a Comment
Hide Comments